I did it.
I pooped in a hole.
But don’t let that fact fool you, I am far from winning at Peace Corps.
Today was a very rough day, probably the hardest since I’ve been in Uganda. I had my very first breakdown and my friend Jamie, who is a beautiful angel, kept me company and told me that I am the most graceful crier.* Everything was okay until I went to my third session of the day and the topic was Corporal Punishment and child abuse. It was like seeing my childhood in bullet point form on a PowerPoint. I’m comfortable talking about abuse, especially my own, and I’ve figured out how to cope with it. I knew that corporal punishment was something I would have to see firsthand as a teacher in Uganda, where it was only recently criminalized but still widely accepted, and I thought I was emotionally prepared enough to deal with it. However, the further we got into the presentation, the more I could sense that familiar feeling of suffocation creeping up on me. It got to the point where I had to leave the room.
I don’t want to elaborate anymore at this point because I don’t believe in dwelling on the past. What I do want to mention is that I feel incredibly grateful to be surrounded by such caring and loving people. Thinking about all that I’ve been through in life does not make me angry or upset, it makes me determined. It took a lot of hard work to become the person I am today and I have every intention of using my experiences in a positive way. I am humbled by this opportunity that is granted to so few, to be here, to be present, to make a change – no matter how small that change may be. Today, I broke down.
Today, I was sad and I’m positive that today was not the last day that I will be feeling like this. And that’s okay.
(Also today, I conquered my fear of pooping in a hole and although I joke about it, it is no small feat, my friends).
*Jamie is also to thank for the title of this post